Rants
Dear Bay Area drivers,
The fast lane: This means faster than the speed limit, not faster than your dead relatives can walk.
Signals: to be used before you change lanes. Don't change to the RIGHT lane and then put on your LEFT blinker.
Tailgaters: I am doing 80mph in the slow lane. Why are you surprised when you suddenly see my breaklights and then get sprayed with windshield wiper fluid?
Cutter offerers: Why are you surprised when after you cut me off and hit your breaks that I find my way around you, flip you off, slam on my breaks and get you with windshield wiper fluid?
Dear Coworker,
I am not your secretary nor am I your assistant. Don't tell me how to prioritize YOUR work. I have my own work to do. When I finish MY work, I will then tackle YOUR work. If you want YOUR work done before I do mine, I suggest that you spend less time on personal calls and more time doing YOUR job. Fuck off.
Dear coffeemaker boy,
You are doing a wonderful job of making sure that my coffee is ready for me when I get to work. You deserve a raise.
The fast lane: This means faster than the speed limit, not faster than your dead relatives can walk.
Signals: to be used before you change lanes. Don't change to the RIGHT lane and then put on your LEFT blinker.
Tailgaters: I am doing 80mph in the slow lane. Why are you surprised when you suddenly see my breaklights and then get sprayed with windshield wiper fluid?
Cutter offerers: Why are you surprised when after you cut me off and hit your breaks that I find my way around you, flip you off, slam on my breaks and get you with windshield wiper fluid?
Dear Coworker,
I am not your secretary nor am I your assistant. Don't tell me how to prioritize YOUR work. I have my own work to do. When I finish MY work, I will then tackle YOUR work. If you want YOUR work done before I do mine, I suggest that you spend less time on personal calls and more time doing YOUR job. Fuck off.
Dear coffeemaker boy,
You are doing a wonderful job of making sure that my coffee is ready for me when I get to work. You deserve a raise.
posted by Bravie at 6:59 AM
63 Comments:
Dood, you sound like you're having a pissy day.
Dear BB6,
Next time you cast- leave out the hypocritical beyatches who know nothing about well... anything. Leave the losers who had no friends in HS or otherwise. They don't have a personality. You're well on your way to ruining my Tues, Thurs, and Saturday.
Dear FOX,
Reunion looks kinda cool. You hooked me for at least one more episode. Damn you.
There. I feel better.
Oh wait.
Dear SIL-
Once a complete loser pyscho bitch, always one. Leave my kids out of it, or I'm gonna give you the ass-whooping you've been asking for for 4 years now.
ahhh.
Thanks carey.
Umm...I'm at work. Again. Dammit. I can't even find the motivation to write a fuck off post. This is bad. Really really bad. Off to search monster.com again and see if any new jobs were posted in the last 3 minutes.
I have an assload of driving rants. But I'm too tired to write about them now. It takes a lot of energy to be angry. *yawn*
I have another.
Dear Mayor of the city where I work (who happens to be my father)
Why did you let the CalTrans people paint their building Pepto Bismal Pink?
The last mayor would not let us paint our building a nice grey with maroon trim because it wasn't an approved color. Pepto is an approved color?
Drive down FC Blvd, Mikki. Down by 3rd avenue. It's horrendous.
Are rants allowed on blogs? *head tilt* You should really check with MissButthead, she may tell you otherwise.
Oh and speaking of driving rants, where's my Hummer? You're supposed to be buying me a Hummer so I can run people off the road.
I'm in a good mood today. I just had coffee and a doughnut.
MMMMmmmmmmmm... *sticky smooches for bravie*
I have a pissy day everyday. *grin*
Although I am the nicest, I am also the pissiest.
Momma, made me giggle.
Jen, i find that it takes no energy to be angry. It comes naturally to me. *grin*
I dare that bitch to come here and tell me how to run my blog.
Coco is just being nice because she knows tomorrow is pantsless Wednesday and she wants me to clean her fridge. *grin*
Who the hell made Miss Crabbypants the knower of who can write a rant and who needs a divorce? Has she seen Dr Phil one too many times or some shit?
UGH
Oh..and Bravie? can you find me a reason to giggle?
Oh? And Breezy? All this head tilting makes me think of Wheezy's little tilty hampster. I miss da Wheeze.
Aw man I can't think of any good rants. I woke up happy and heard the Whispers on the way to work and was dancing in my minivan. "and the beat goes on... just like my love EVERLAAAAASTING..."
Gag me. *grin*
*snort* Mikki D is a minivan-dork. LMAO
She sure is. Her girlfriend has the cool car.
Kind of like you and Michelle? *smirk*
Dear boyfriend,
Please don't call me when DH is home. Please quit getting all buff at the gym, I think you have enough muscles. Don't be mad that I can only see you on borrowed time, it's all we have. Please don't try to give me lot's of expensive gifts and ask me to marry you, you know I am already married.
Dear DH,
Please quit accusing me of cheating on you. Please quit reading my blog. Don't ask me all the time who was on the phone, when I say it was a wrong number, I mean it! Back off!
*ahh* much better thank you.
ok, I confess. The first rant was not true. But I kinda wish it was, so I added it.
And Carey, the drivers there are exactly why I don't come there more often. They scare me!
Breezy is quickly dropping to the bottom of my favorite's list.
MM, you can always come here to rant. But now that i waved to your DH, he may know to come here too.
Take public transit and come and visit me. *grin*
pffffttt I can't get much lower can I? Besides it's not MY fault that Michelle has a cooler car then you.
Good point, you are pretty low down there on the totem pole.
She is now calling you the SS dork.
Stitch/Stamping dork.
So Carey drives a minivan?
Hell no I don't drive a mini van.
I drive a four door Ford Focus. Silver with personalized plates. My license plate is also the American flag. I think that makes it cool.
Michelle drives a Ford Escape with personalized plates and she also has a Chevy Camaro. Yes, her cars are cooler than mine.
LOL *picturing Carey driving a minivan*
*snort*
LOL. I have been IN Mikki's minivan but never driven it.
*picturing Carey in a Hummer*
*grin*
A Focus? That's an ugly car. It's like the bastard of Ford cars. Good grief woman.
I'll shut up now. You get twice the gas mileage I do.
That's the only reason that I bought it. Because at the time I was doing process serving and driving around all day. I'm thinking of turning it in for the new Mustang. I just have to convince Michelle into letting me. that is her current dream car and she will pout and whine if I get one.
I will pout and whine if you get a new Mustang. More than Michelle. I MUST have one. I've even got it all picked out. It'll only cost me $26K. Plus the cost of another vehicle that I'll actually allow the kids to ride in.
*snort* Carey wanted to be Stephanie Plum.
Ok so the only reason I'm in a minivan was cuz I had the two kids and a big dog. I used to have a 70-1/2 camero and would have NO WHERE to put the groceries. I like my minivan. The only reason my g/f likes her cool car is cuz people look at her. But she prefers driving the minivan. She's gotta come out of the closet sooner or later! She just bought a commuter car. FORD ESCORT - BRIGHT BLUE! Can't miss her!
I haven't decided yet. With the price of gas going up, I may just stick it out with the Focus.
I even took a course in Private Investigation. Got my little diploma thingy and everything. *grin*
Monsty used to be on the phone with me on the weekends when I drove around serving papers. *grin*
She was my assistant.
Oh shit, I just have to see Nikki driving in her Escort. Have to. *snort* ROFLMAO
I don't have any rants today. I am making an effort to be more friendly. Happy Bunny told me to. *sigh*
I do not have a cool car. But! I, at least, do not have a minivan. *grin*
Since when does Happy Bunny tell anyone to be friendly?!?!?!?
Happy Bunny told me that I poop on people's stuff.
I have a rant!
I hate my bra! Not only is it slightly indecent when I wear a white shirt, but it is a traitor bra! It used to be super-comfortable, but then it turned on me. Now it is too tight in the oobies and there is a hook that is slightly bent and that hurts my back.
My only comfortable bra is my nursing bra. This is a sad state of affairs.
Ooooh yes, I have a bra rant too.
My favorite one. It has a little adjuster in the front so that you can tighten it to push the oobies up and closer together. That little clasp broke yesterday. So now I can't rest my chin on my cleavage anymore. I can't remember where I bought it either.
I have some comfie bras, Coco. I got them at JCPenney. Wanna borrow one?
I have one of those bras. It doesn't work on my oobies. Want it?
I don't have enough boobies to use a bra like that.
*pout*
Yes please. Send it to me NOW!!!!
I was very upset about this yesterday and I meant to add it to the rant.
Momma, you don't need boobs, it creates them. *giggle*
And I have too much.
Oh. Well, in that case, I need that bra.
*pushes Momma out of the way*
She's sending me the bra, not you. *evil eye*
No she's not. You put her at the bottom of your list, remember?
*shoves Carey*
Pffffffffffft. She got bumped back up again. Na na na na na na!!!!!!
How far up am I bumped? *grin*
You're my favorite. *grin*
You're just saying that cause you want her bra!
Damn...that could be taken so many directions...*giggle*
But it won't be. *smirk*
I lost my directions, so I just start inserting tabs anywhere.
The bra will be in your birthday box. *smooch*
*jumps up and down* Yay for me.
I can't find my directions either. I think I lost them a couple of weeks ago. I'm waiting for new ones to arrive. *grin*
Birthday box? Hmph.
alright momma, we can send each other b-day boxes, seeing as we don't get them from people who don't even mention that I am both of their favorite. They should be totally fighting over me right now.
*waves arm*
"TORO!"
I had to say that Breezy was my favorite in order to get her to send me a new bra. *grin*
You are all my favorites.
k, maggie.
Bravie, just from the pics, I have to say I don't think we wear the same bra size.
*high five Glowie*
We are the minivan Mama's! I have a Dodge Caravan - how about you?
I was rear-ended a year and a half ago on the freeway. Both cars that rear-ended me were totaled. I only got my back tailgate crunched in a little. My little Shammrock is a trooper!
Hey lets guess her personalized license plate!
My guess? WHINO
Bravie pics? Where?
She's so elusive, the Bravie..
Rose? At least you didn't call me Ivette. and there are no pictures of me. I would be too afraid of Arkie altering them if there were.
Coco? Are you calling me flat?
Mik? Glowie said she did NOT drive a minivan, ya dork.
Zombs? Do I know you?
You? are not flat. At least, in the dream where you wouldn't sleep with me, you weren't.
*pout*
Hmmm. Whomever wants to add me to the list to get the creating oobies bra and possibly send me a birthday box will be my new favorite. Don't all jump at once. :)
Dear DH:
Please sleep more soundly. Since the computer is in the bedroom and you wake up when I come in to use said computer, I have to wait until late at night, after you've gone to work and the kids are in bed to play. Now I've missed all the fun and everyone is in bed. Blah.
I found a similar one at Target today. I bought it and will where it tomorrow and report on it.
Go to target Momma and Iggy!!!!
Damnit Coco I'm telling you. In my dream nobody was saying no. Your dream could not have been about me. Could not have been me. I would never turn you down. Preggers and all.
Dear Seana,
buy your man some earplugs and an eyemask. He'll never know you are there.
Dear carey:
You know, they get free earplugs, since the plant is noisy. So he has a whole bunch. You're brilliant!
What are you still doing up?
What are these time zones of which you speak?
Okay, name of bra? How do you like it so far today?
Oh..and Iggy and Rose? We shall have to do special boxes between us. Pftttt! To the rest *evil grin*
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