An observation
I always find it weird when people refer to adopted children as "their adopted son/daughter".
Why is it necessary to add the adopted label? Like with Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman (sorry Augie). But the media would always say "their adopted children". Can someone explain why that happens?
Michelle was adopted and I have never once heard anyone refer to her as the adopted one. It's no secret that she is adopted and that her siblings are not. It's openly discussed. She has found her egg donor and found a half sister about 10 or so years ago. But when her parents talk about their children they never say "our three natural children and our one adopted child."
I dunno. It just seems like an odd thing to say. Your children are your children whether or not they are adopted. I have no problem with being open about a child being adopted but I don't understand why the label is put there so often when referring to children who are adopted. *shrug*
Why is it necessary to add the adopted label? Like with Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman (sorry Augie). But the media would always say "their adopted children". Can someone explain why that happens?
Michelle was adopted and I have never once heard anyone refer to her as the adopted one. It's no secret that she is adopted and that her siblings are not. It's openly discussed. She has found her egg donor and found a half sister about 10 or so years ago. But when her parents talk about their children they never say "our three natural children and our one adopted child."
I dunno. It just seems like an odd thing to say. Your children are your children whether or not they are adopted. I have no problem with being open about a child being adopted but I don't understand why the label is put there so often when referring to children who are adopted. *shrug*
posted by Bravie at 10:04 AM
22 Comments:
Do families tend to use this term often? Or are you just saying "outsiders" tend to label them as such?
I don't know many adopted peeps.
I've heard it from both. Mostly from the non parents. It just sort of bothers me but I'm not sure why.
It bothers me too. The whole point of adopting is so the child can be your own. Why go through the adoption process if you're just going to make sure everyone knows you are adopted? To be fair, I don't think Tom or Nicole actually say it, it's mostly the media. I think (hope) it's different in real life.
I have a cousin who is adopted, and I can't recall ever introducing her as such. It was just, "this is our indian cousin". LOL. Umm, just kidding, BTW.
Kidding about the Indian part. Well, she *is* Native American, but we never introduced her that way. That's what I meant.
*snort*
Not sure why people would use that term. My boss doesn't... his daughter is his daughter.
if you adopt a child, it's your child. I thought that was the point.
I have seen family members say the "adopted ___" thing. More distant relatives of adopted children seem to be most likely to use it IMO.
My best story on that concerned two sisters, one adopted as a newborn and one birthed 10 months after the first was adopted (I gather this happens more than you might suppose.) Anyway - at an extended family picnic some years later a dumb relation asked the girls which one was the adopted daughter and which was the real daughter. They couldn't remember. I figure they had very good parents.
I also dislike the term "half", as in "half-sister" or "half-brother." I remember just jumping out of my skin when my oldest daughter referred to my middle DD as her 'half-sister' the first time.
"What do you mean, half-sister?" I asked.
"Well, she has a different dad so by blood she's only half my sister."
My reply to that was: "Well, by blood, you are only half my daughter - but I would never call you my half-daughter! You're entirely my daughter and I love you wholly. Same thing with a half sister. The half that is there counts for everything. Does that make sense?"
It made sense to me.
LOL-good stories, Swami!
FTR, would you please all refer to me as your adopted friend? Thank you.
Come to think of it, can I call all of you my adopted friends? It seems less controversial than calling you my online friends. You know, since adoption is all cool now.
Did Mike Brady adopt Jan Brady?
Swami, you're wonderful *smooch*
I don't think I'd use the term adopted. They are either the son or daughter. How horrible for someone to ask which one is the real child.
It took me a while to get used to telling people I had two step-sons whenever I was asked if I had children. In the beginning, I would answer, no I don't have any children but my husband has two sons. My DH had to point out to me how wrong that was and that I should just say, yes, I have two step-sons. I'm ashamed of myself regarding that. I think I never made a big connection with them because they didn't live with us except for a short summer vacation and xmas vacation.
Kim, you must be my adopted twin *giggle*
More importantly, did Carol Brady adopt Greg?
I once called my brother my little cabbage patch brother but I've never introduced him as my adopted brother. *grin*
My brother is my brother. Period. Through good and bad times, and there have been bad times, he'll always be my brother and I love him dearly even when he's driving me crazy.
Nookie - just say "we" not "I" when asked if you have children. "We have two sons." You are accepting and acknowledging the boys and your DH's fatherhood without going into needless detail.
If more detail is needed for some reason you can always do the full explanation.
Tom always says "We have three children" totally glossing over the fact that one is step-daughter. I love him for that!
I feel like a red-headed step child sometimes...does that mean I am adopted?
I don't know. One of my employees does this constantly and it drives me batty. Her daughter in law had a child at a young age. The child was 5 when the daughter in law met and married the son. The son adopted the child. They have since had twin girls. The employee constantly refers to the grandkids as her two granddaughters (the twins) and her adopted granddaughter (the now 13 year old).
My ex-inlaws, OTOH, never kept it a secret that they birthed their daughter (the oldest) and adopted the two boys (my ex and their brother). Never has the ex-family refered to any of them as anything but their kids.
I can't for the life of me figure it out. And it shouldn't make the slightest damn difference if they are biological or adopted. They are kids, they are part of the family.
You know, after I hit post, it dawned on me. My cousin is adopted. He's been around since birth and he's 21 now. I totally forgot about that. *snort* Can I blame it on having a bad week?
*sheepish grin*
I just refer to them all as the "carpet weavers in the basement" Adopted, birthed, stolen from an easter egg hunt.
As long as they have nimble fingers I love them all equally.
You are so right Swami. I'll definitely do that from now on. *smooch*
LOL at Bob.
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