Dear God, it's me Bravie
Dear God,
I was hoping that you could make some important changes for me. Consider this to be sort of a Christmas list for Bravie.
1. Bacon. Please make it healthy and in fact necessary to live.
2. The weather. Please make all days 75-80 degrees with relative humidity. Let it rain between 3:00am and 5:00am everyday. This would solve a lot of problems and depression.
3. Football. I won't ask for the impossible, such as making the 49ers win the Superbowl, or even go to the Superbowl, or even the playoffs. But perhaps add a day to the weekends. Just for football. Like we could have two days of weekend and then one day of football.
4. Geography. Please condense our country so that all of my friends live within a short drive from me. Make the rest of the people in the country be the ones who live so far away.
5. Sleep. Please change the average amount of sleep needed to about 4 hours instead of 8 hours. I never seem to get enough sleep and I'm tired of looking and feeling tired.
6. Work. Please make internet surfing, watching football and drinking tainted milk a viable career choice. And make all of those other people who you moved far away from me, the ones responsible for actual work.
7. Heavyset people. Please make us the sexy ones.
8. Flip flops. Please make them not flip and flop. The noise bothers some people and it makes me feel as if I shouldn't wear them all the time.
9. Poots. Make them the polite thing to do.
As you can see, God, I have not asked for much. Nine little requests in a sea of requests that could be made. I'm not asking for difficult things such as world peace, just simple little requests.
I will be awaiting your response.
Thank you,
Bravie
I was hoping that you could make some important changes for me. Consider this to be sort of a Christmas list for Bravie.
1. Bacon. Please make it healthy and in fact necessary to live.
2. The weather. Please make all days 75-80 degrees with relative humidity. Let it rain between 3:00am and 5:00am everyday. This would solve a lot of problems and depression.
3. Football. I won't ask for the impossible, such as making the 49ers win the Superbowl, or even go to the Superbowl, or even the playoffs. But perhaps add a day to the weekends. Just for football. Like we could have two days of weekend and then one day of football.
4. Geography. Please condense our country so that all of my friends live within a short drive from me. Make the rest of the people in the country be the ones who live so far away.
5. Sleep. Please change the average amount of sleep needed to about 4 hours instead of 8 hours. I never seem to get enough sleep and I'm tired of looking and feeling tired.
6. Work. Please make internet surfing, watching football and drinking tainted milk a viable career choice. And make all of those other people who you moved far away from me, the ones responsible for actual work.
7. Heavyset people. Please make us the sexy ones.
8. Flip flops. Please make them not flip and flop. The noise bothers some people and it makes me feel as if I shouldn't wear them all the time.
9. Poots. Make them the polite thing to do.
As you can see, God, I have not asked for much. Nine little requests in a sea of requests that could be made. I'm not asking for difficult things such as world peace, just simple little requests.
I will be awaiting your response.
Thank you,
Bravie
posted by Bravie at 8:23 AM
21 Comments:
Dear Bravie,
I'd be more than happy to also sign your letter to God if you would kindly remove #s 5 (I need more than 4 hours of sleep) and 9 (I do NOT poot).
Love,
Momma
Hmm, maybe you should get everyone's signatures...like a petition. Then He would take it much more seriously.
*signs name*
motormouth
For those of us who don't really care for football (or any other sport), can we still have that extra weekend day for other stuff? 'Cause that would make me very happy. And I am soooo there with you on #2. And #6. And #7. And especially #8.
*signs name*
weltek
*signs "PLEASE!" next to #8* I bet you are wearing flip flops tomorrow, aren't you? Good thing your yapping covers up the flipflopping. :-)
I drove past a Milk Farm today and thought of you.
I think you need a #10 for some of us who like even numbers.
*adds name to petition*
puffy
Bravie, my Son. It is important that you know your prayers are heard. Well, read anyway.
God couldn't make it, but asked me to respond in His place. Sadly, I am only semi-divine and cannot grant all your requests, but I think I can fulfill those desires of yours whose numbers are odd.
Behold! Bacon shall forever be good and essential for fitness and good health.
Behold! There shall be a day of Relaxation after the day of Rest. On this day, football teams shall compete against each other and the devoted masses shall congregate with their friends and consume lard-filled fats, sugary treats, and beverages derived from grain. Calories consumed while praying for the safety and success of your team won't count.
Behold! Henceforth the human body will be rested and refreshed for having the sincere intention to sleep. Think of sleeping. Desire sleep. It is your intention to sleep that will provide the rest you require.
Behold! Heavyset people are the sexy ones. As are the thin people. And the short people. And the people with unfortunate skin. Sexiness is in the mind of the beholder. This is and always has been the TRUTH. Good hair *is* a must, though. I'm only Cod, after all.
Behold! Poots are still impolite and repulsive. *shrug*
*** Cod ***
Dear Cod,
As Cod, you should know that I have a tracker and would be able to pinpoint your location. Now, could you help me with my bad hair day, please?
My dearest Bravie, If Cod can make bacon Good and add a day of Relaxation, then surely Cod can make it appear that he posted from a location you would recognize.
And Cod cast an eye upon Bravie's hair and declared that it was good
Well, the niners are winning. Of course I benched their defense this week.
Wheee! We have another blogger to play with. *waves at Cod!*
You.crack.me.up!
Obviously I thought they were winning, but I must have misread the score, or assumed they would score, or something like that.
I would like to make an important point. Just because you're wearing flip flops doesn't mean they have to flip and flop. I wear flip flops and they rarely make obnoxious sounds. Noisy walkers irk me almost as much as noisy eaters.
Did the 49ers win? I'm pretty sure I watched it (I know I watched part of it) but I totally forget if they won.
Excuse me, but where is the Sunday Church report?
Glow, they lost. So did the Packers. *sigh*
I agree with all of these requests. But I think we should also add a weekend day for dorks.
I second Boo's suggestion.
So those of us who love football and are dorks would get 2 extra days? Cause I would so become a dork for that.
Wow. I feel so awash in Cod's love in this post.
Amen, Bravie!
@twirls Cod@
Luna of the Stars,
It is my wish for you to spread the love you feel by inspiring young minds to explore their artistic nature, and by spreading good will and great joy to those you love.
I also have some inside information that you would be well served to follow your instincts and bet heavily on the your favorite sporting figure the next time he or she competes. *wink*
sigh
Post a Comment
<< Home