Rare serious post
Maybe this is more of a poll than a post.
1.Does your significant other get upset if you talk to your friends about personal things?
2.Does your S.O. have friends that they talk to about personal things? And if so, does it bother you?
3.Are you an open book when it comes to personal things? And if not do you have certain friends that you feel comfortable enough to talk to?
4.Does it make a difference to your S.O. if they know the person or persons that you feel comfortable enough talking to?
1.Does your significant other get upset if you talk to your friends about personal things?
2.Does your S.O. have friends that they talk to about personal things? And if so, does it bother you?
3.Are you an open book when it comes to personal things? And if not do you have certain friends that you feel comfortable enough to talk to?
4.Does it make a difference to your S.O. if they know the person or persons that you feel comfortable enough talking to?
posted by Bravie at 7:38 PM
25 Comments:
I guess to be fair, I should answer first.
1. Yes
2. Yes and it doesn't bother me at all
3.I am not an open book except for with certain friends. And with those certain friends I am a pretty open book. I think.
4. Yes it makes a difference to her, it makes no difference to me. Talk away if it helps you.
1. Absolutely. He thinks I tell everyone how abnormally large his penis is.
2. Not really, although he did tell his stepbrother I was good in bed once; that embarrassed me.
3. Ummmm. *points to #1* kinda. I'm pretty closed about really serious stuff like dealing w/ grief though.
4. Nope. As a matter of fact, my BF and him get along really well, but he still thinks we have a lesbian affair on the side. (we don't)
Ok, that was strange. What's up babe?
BTW- in the above post BF stands for best friend, not boyfriend.
Just clarifyin'.
Well, I don't have a SO, so I really can't answer #1,2 or 4.
For #3, with certain people, after I get that comfort level with them, yes, probably more open than *they're* comfortable with.
If I had a SO, I would probably not like knowing that personal things were shared with someone else, but that would be very hypocritical of me, as I do share a lot of very personal things.
Well, I talked to a couple of my best friends about some very personal things. She is okay with talking to her friends and I'm okay with that. I tend to be rather closed off and I have trust issues so I am very careful with whom I discuss very personal stuff. The problem is that those who I choose to talk to were not hand picked by GF and she doesn't trust my judgement, obviously. *rolls eyes* which is funny because she knows that I am the least trusting person that she knows. So if I choose to open up to somebody, she should trust my judgement. IMHO.
But now I'm in a bit of trouble for opening up to a not yet approved list of people. *sigh*
It's a lot longer story than this but it's too long and detailed for my public blog. But I know that I would get more responses here by asking these questions.
Arkie, you have always been very open with me and I have never been uncomfortable.
FWIW, it is hard to make me feel uncomfortable with just about any subject. I can't think of any subject that someone else would want to talk to me about that would make me feel uncomfortable.
Glad to hear that, sweetie. Sometimes I do feel like I overshare. And I appreciate the fact that you always listen to me, and give me great advice (even if I ignore it sometimes), and you're never judgemental. *smooch*
I'm not so sure I would want to know who my SO was talking about the personal things with. To be honest, I would prefer (I think) that it was someone I didn't even know.
*smooch*
I don't have any issues with her talking to those close to us. None at all. But I did point out that those people see me face to face and now know some of my most intimate details. Seriously intimate details. *giggle*
And thank you. I consider the first part of your post to be a compliment. It's very important to me that my friends feel as if they can trust me and be comfortable enough to talk to me about anything, knowing that I won't judge them.
group hugs for my Carey and my Arkie....
(Now I feel all shallow 'cause my SO and I have "sex" related issues.)
1. Depends on what I'm saying, I guess. He knows I talk about us to certain people.
2. No, nobody. Part of our problem.
3. No, I know it seems like I am at times, but nobody would like me if they knew the things I think. It's scary to open up completely.
4. Yes, if it is someone he has to see, he feels uncomfortable.
{hugs} to Carey, Rose and Arkie!
Hope things smooth over soon!
1. I don't really know. I don't think he does, or will mind too much. I think it would depend.
2. I think so, I hope so, I am pretty sure. No not at all. Glad that he has someone to turn to. But hope that he will be comfortable enough eventually to share with me to, as I him.
3. Not really. Not many. Somethings I share, but for the most part I keep to myself.
4. I don't think it would.
1. No. I am one of those people who doesn’t have a whole posse but have a few very close friends and I still somewhat temper what I tell them. DH has more of a problem with talking to our family members about any conflicts that arise in our marriage. At first I didn’t agree with this, but after involving them a few times, I agree that it is better to keep it to ourselves.
2. He doesn’t tell his friends or family anything really. They tend to be meddlesome, nosy and judgmental so he doesn’t tell them much. We both find it easier to deal with his family and friends with the “everything is great attitude” lest we be subjected to a diatribe of unsolicited and oft unsound advice.
3. No. With DH and two of my closest friends, yes. But there are still a few things that they don’t know about. That no one knows about. For instance, Carey, you and DH are the only two that know what I wrote you the other day and that was a big deal for me.
4. Not really, but I don’t like it when DH talks to his female boss about things so that started and ended quickly. My best friend’s husband is good friends with my DH and they sometimes talk about things. Again, we keep a lot of personal stuff just between the two of us. I suppose it’s a control thing but it works for us and that’s what counts.
*smooches*
Bravie, I think the bottom line in our relationship-- if I am sharing deep, private thoughts with another man, I am compromising my relationship with my husband. And vice versa.
Going to someone with a problem to gain some perspective is fine and most helpful. Sharing my deep fears and joys with another man and not my husband does not make for a healthy marriage.
The emotional bond I have with my husband is just as important as the vow of physical monogamy.
I guess it is different when I share things with women. He really does not care when I do this and it also does not compromise my marriage.
Make any sense?
I was thinking about what Monsty said. She makes a good point.
1. No.
2. No. It probably would bother me if he did but I'd have to dig deeper to give the reasons. I won't do that here.
3. No. Not in the least. I don't feel comfortable talking to anybody, really. I do talk to certain people but I never feel comfortable.
4. He knew I talked a lot to JV and I think that bothered him quite a lot but never really became an issue (for him). I don't think he'd like me opening my book to my face to face male friends. Which I wouldn't anyway. He also knows I talk a lot to my female friends who I met in the box. I'm pretty sure that doesn't bother him. I don't think that it bothered him when I talked to G either (which I don't anymore because he abandoned me).
Like I said, Monsty brings up a good point. I like what she wrote. And I know how that can compromise a relationship. I had to let certain people fade out of my life who I spent a lot of time talking to (online). I know that I made the right decision for me but that was cloudy then.
1.Yes.
2.No...well he is talking to someone lately. *smooch* And I hope it's helpful for him. It doesn't bother me at all.
3.I'm a closed book, which causes most of our fights. Right?
4.I don't think so, he wants me to talk to him.
Thanks for the input everyone. And I think you all know that if there is anything that you have shared with me, it will stay with me.
There are some very valid and good points. Ya'll make very good sense.
The issue we had last night, without overshare, was over a specific incident and topic. Although I know that it runs deeper than just the one issue from last night. It involved something that happened years ago and I happened to tell a friend about it. I didn't think it was a big deal and didn't even think twice about telling this person. Michelle has told many people without asking me if it was okay so that was our issue. That she gets to talk to people about things but gets upset if I don't consult her first about who I am talking to about what.
It was somewhat settled last night after more discussion. But I know it will come up again because it has come up before.
I guess I'm a little late to the party; I'm glad you guys talked it out and came to at least some conclusions.
As for us, we're quite a bit like T-kit and her husband.
1. Yes, sometimes, but I don't tend to talk about the most serious stuff with all and sundry. Frivolous details, yes, but not the big issues.
2. No, he doesn't really. His family is deeply unhelpful in this regard, my MIL and one SIL because they are just looking for an excuse to dislike me (Eric once told his mom about a very run-of-the-mill argument we'd had, and she was cool to me for well over a month), and the other SIL just because she is so bogged down in her own issues. It wouldn't bother me if he discussed things he felt he wanted to with a close friend, but it's not his style.
3. I'm generally pretty open (read: blabbermouth), though not about everything. I have good friends I can talk to if need be.
4. Eric isn't thrilled when I talk things over with people, but at the same time, he forgets, so I try and do it judiciously.
*smooch* to Carey.
1. Nope, though she would prefer that I could tell her anything I would tell anyone else. Thats not always the case.
2.Yes and No, I'm surprisingly a little more reserved about sharing certain things than others and I think that caught her off guard.
3.If someone makes me feel comfortable I'm a very open book about myself, but not so much about others or my relationship with them.
4.Sometimes, there have been people in my life that I was comfortable talking to that didn't necessarily have my best interest at heart and it takes a lot of trust for her to be comfortable with me talking to them but she is.
I guess I can only answer #3.
I am more open with certain people. Just 2 people really. I'm not open with my family at all. I don't think they really know me. Is that sad? *shrug* I'm not open with my former best friend, we barely talk anymore. I like my privacy for the most part, but I'm sure glad that I have those 2 people who I know I can go to if I want to spill some stuff.
*smooches to them*
1. Yes
2. Yes/No
3. No - Couple of close friends only
4. No
1.It depends on how personal and who I've shared with. But in all honesty, he knows I have extremely close friends that I share most intimate details with on a rare basis. I am pretty closed up when it comes to serious issues, until after the fact.
2.Yes. It doesn't bother me. He's got to have an outlet too.
3. See #1. I am an open book on somethings. Mostly, closed though.
4. While DH and I run in the same social circles, for the most part, we do have friends that the other doesn't know or doesn't know well. And that's okay. Some of those people (Sonya as a prime example) are more familiar with certain parts of our lives than newer friends. And sometimes those are the people that understand and are more comfortable to talk with.
Did I make any sense?
1. Yes, but mainly if it's something relating to us, and I don't talk to him about it.
2. Yes. I don't get upset unless I feel it's something he should discuss with me.
3. No. There are lots of things I will share, but there are others I don't. There are even things I have not shared with my husband.
4. Yes.
For the late comers. I did read your responses and thank you for your input. I'm feeling much more normal.
I will be really late and say:
I come off as rather quiet and shy at first, but once I get to know someone, I am pretty open. I will pretty much say anything to certain friends (most of whom are female, but at least a couple of whom are male.)
My boyfriend Tivo does not care. :)
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