Wrapping paper, Bourbon and my period
We had our Christmas luncheon at work today. It went exactly as I thought it would.
We had a nice lunch, followed by a speech empty of any meaning and then it was over.
We were reminded of how lucky we are to have a job and reminded of how our customers come back to us because of each and every one of us and we were told how the new year has so many promising possibilities, blah blah blah.
One of our main office peeps told the boss today that she is going to start looking for a new job after the first. Tomorrow, it will be my turn to give the same speech. We are going to go in one by one and do the same. In hopes that she will catch on that if things don't go our way, she is going to have an empty office after the first. I'm going to practice my speech tonight. I have to practice because in my head the speech goes something like this: "Fuck off, I hate you, you suck, fuck off again". And I'm really thinking that I might want to be a little more professional than that. But then again. I don't know, you tell me. Should I work on refining that or should I leave it as is?
We had a nice lunch, followed by a speech empty of any meaning and then it was over.
We were reminded of how lucky we are to have a job and reminded of how our customers come back to us because of each and every one of us and we were told how the new year has so many promising possibilities, blah blah blah.
One of our main office peeps told the boss today that she is going to start looking for a new job after the first. Tomorrow, it will be my turn to give the same speech. We are going to go in one by one and do the same. In hopes that she will catch on that if things don't go our way, she is going to have an empty office after the first. I'm going to practice my speech tonight. I have to practice because in my head the speech goes something like this: "Fuck off, I hate you, you suck, fuck off again". And I'm really thinking that I might want to be a little more professional than that. But then again. I don't know, you tell me. Should I work on refining that or should I leave it as is?
posted by Bravie at 3:06 PM
34 Comments:
Is there any way to work in "you pussy ass mother fucker" while you're at it?
You are absolutely correct. How on earth could I have missed that.
*writes down PAMF in practice speech*
Try this:
Fornicate off, I despise you, you ingurgitate, fornicate off again.
Does that sound more professional?
*smooch*
BTW, I don't think the title of this post is accurate. *grin*
No? You don't think it is an accurate title?
*rereads post*
No, I still don't see any mention of drinking, so I don't understand where the bourbon comes in.
Where's the wrapping paper?
:-)
Where's your period? I haven't had mine yet since the baby. *swigs bourban*
I now see the confusion. I must have forgotten to mention the things in the title. *shakes head*
Zombs, she used a period 13 times. Maybe you need to lay off the bourban. *grin*
But how will I wash the wrapping paper down?
Just sing the Jack Ingram, Love You song. *grin*
The nicer you are, the more afraid she'll get, I think. I love the idea of everyone doing that- it's so perfect.
I haven't had my period (or any bourrrbon) since Flip was born.
I haven't had my period since February.
I have found what I think is perfect wrapping paper. And I have to wrap about 20 presents tonight.
I also need to buy a bottle of bourbon and a bottle of wine.
So, are you going to post your speech and Smelly Boss Lady's response? Cuz I really need something fun to do today.
Love you.
I think you should be very professional, btw. And very nice.
Wheeeeeeee Augie Doggie.
I was going to be professional and shit. But since Augie needs some entertainment, I will sacrifice myself and be a total bitch. Because i roll like that.
I think you should be professional when you give your notice. A nice cold, British-like, death-by-politeness attitude that leaves her nowhere to go.
And don't key her car on the same day you give notice or she might suspect you.
(Note to self: Put away wrapping paper remnants, email Tom my Holiday liquor list, have a hot flash.)
Well, there's that whole "reference needed" thing. Other than that, I'd go with what you have so far.
Or, say you friend Breezy would like the PAMFs job and you'd like a big fat raise. What do you have to lose?
Did you do it yet?
Not yet. My shipping guy wants to go before me. so when they have their production meeting, he is going to do it. and then I am going to go after him.
Did you kick him yet for me?
I am hungry for AuGratin potatoes. For some reason.
*smoooooooooooch*
is he the one that scratches himself?
No Breezy, that's a different guy.
And no, he isn't the guy that scratches himself.
Hey!!! they never brought out the potatoes yesterday. Bastards.
But did you kick him?
No. I can't bring myself to kick him. He's my best work buddy ever.
pfffftttt He's a Raiders fan!
Is he the guy that wore the dress?
*grin*
Breezy answered my question.
That's the one.
I like the title. So much so, that I think you should seek employment coming up with Jeopardy game show answers.
Oooh! I like the speech you have here. *grin*
Sooooo... did you do it yet?
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