Confliction and such
*sigh*
I always thought that once I reached my 40's, life was supposed to be better. I was supposed to have a better idea of who I am and where my life was headed. I would have learned from my mistakes, grown smarter and blah blah blah.
Well poop on that. Life was easier and more fun before I turned 40, if I'm being totally honest. anyhow.
OT seems to have become a big clusterfuck these days. I think the EMT thread really showed that.
OT used to be a place where I had fun. I made some great friends and we had great fun and it was a place for me to escape to. Now it seems to be a place that I need to escape FROM.
After that thread, Boner and I got into it. Not just in the thread but behind the scenes as well. and as much as I have been trying to work on my anger and my temper, I lost it today. I definitely made a comment to him in a PM that crossed the line. I knew it as soon as I hit send. He called me out on it and I apologized. But I should have never let some message board get to me to the point of going too far. But, it also isn't just SOME message board. It's been a home and it's been family.
I decided today that I was walking away from OT. That it is a place that causes me aggrevation and a place that gets me riled up. So I made the decision to leave. I told a friend this and she told me that it wasn't fair to her or to others. I sort of dismissed her because, well, she's a friend. So of course she doesn't want me to leave there.
I wanted to check my inbox over there this afternoon, so I went there. *sigh* I have messages from peeps. Some I would call friends. Others I would call acquaintences. Those are the ones that for some reason hold the most weight for me. How backwards is that? I SHOULD listen to my friends. Instead, I dismiss them and listen to those who I hardly know. A couple who I would not be able to name by their real life names. They told me that I would be missed if I left. That they have noticed that I do not post as much anymore and that they miss me. That OT isn't the same without my voice. And a bunch of other nice stuff. It made me feel very, well, very nice and warm and fuzzy. and anyone who has been following my life lately knows that I have not been getting too many warm and fuzzy feelings lately.
So why does it take a stranger? Why do their kind words have more of an impact? Don't get me wrong, they do NOT mean more to me than those of my friends.
Here is one of my unqualified theories: Growing up, my Mom would always say "you're such a pretty little thing". Well now, I am NOT blind. I was not ever a pretty little thing. So obviously my Mom HAD to say that to me so I wouldn't feel like an ugly little thing. So maybe I feel as if those who love me only say nice things because they are supposed to say those things. And I tend to believe strangers because they have no reason to say nice things.
Heh, but I don't always believe strangers either. I was at the store yesterday and this younger girl walked by and told me that my hair looked nice. I giggled, turned red and said thank you. I told Michelle about this and she said "Do you think that maybe she was, well, you know" And before she could finish her sentence, I said "retarded?". She snorted and said "No, ass, I was going to say was she gay?". We laughed because I always assume the worst. I never believe that I am likeable or have nice hair. *grin*
What the fuck is this long and stupid post about again? Good lord. If you are still reading this, what the fuck is wrong with you? Don't you have something better to do? *grin*
Oh, conflict. So I think that instead of deleting my bookmark to OT, perhaps I will respond to my PMs and then just take a short break. And I will rely on my friends to tell me when there is a cool and fun thread that I most post in. <---should never end a sentence with the word in. *shakes head*
I always thought that once I reached my 40's, life was supposed to be better. I was supposed to have a better idea of who I am and where my life was headed. I would have learned from my mistakes, grown smarter and blah blah blah.
Well poop on that. Life was easier and more fun before I turned 40, if I'm being totally honest. anyhow.
OT seems to have become a big clusterfuck these days. I think the EMT thread really showed that.
OT used to be a place where I had fun. I made some great friends and we had great fun and it was a place for me to escape to. Now it seems to be a place that I need to escape FROM.
After that thread, Boner and I got into it. Not just in the thread but behind the scenes as well. and as much as I have been trying to work on my anger and my temper, I lost it today. I definitely made a comment to him in a PM that crossed the line. I knew it as soon as I hit send. He called me out on it and I apologized. But I should have never let some message board get to me to the point of going too far. But, it also isn't just SOME message board. It's been a home and it's been family.
I decided today that I was walking away from OT. That it is a place that causes me aggrevation and a place that gets me riled up. So I made the decision to leave. I told a friend this and she told me that it wasn't fair to her or to others. I sort of dismissed her because, well, she's a friend. So of course she doesn't want me to leave there.
I wanted to check my inbox over there this afternoon, so I went there. *sigh* I have messages from peeps. Some I would call friends. Others I would call acquaintences. Those are the ones that for some reason hold the most weight for me. How backwards is that? I SHOULD listen to my friends. Instead, I dismiss them and listen to those who I hardly know. A couple who I would not be able to name by their real life names. They told me that I would be missed if I left. That they have noticed that I do not post as much anymore and that they miss me. That OT isn't the same without my voice. And a bunch of other nice stuff. It made me feel very, well, very nice and warm and fuzzy. and anyone who has been following my life lately knows that I have not been getting too many warm and fuzzy feelings lately.
So why does it take a stranger? Why do their kind words have more of an impact? Don't get me wrong, they do NOT mean more to me than those of my friends.
Here is one of my unqualified theories: Growing up, my Mom would always say "you're such a pretty little thing". Well now, I am NOT blind. I was not ever a pretty little thing. So obviously my Mom HAD to say that to me so I wouldn't feel like an ugly little thing. So maybe I feel as if those who love me only say nice things because they are supposed to say those things. And I tend to believe strangers because they have no reason to say nice things.
Heh, but I don't always believe strangers either. I was at the store yesterday and this younger girl walked by and told me that my hair looked nice. I giggled, turned red and said thank you. I told Michelle about this and she said "Do you think that maybe she was, well, you know" And before she could finish her sentence, I said "retarded?". She snorted and said "No, ass, I was going to say was she gay?". We laughed because I always assume the worst. I never believe that I am likeable or have nice hair. *grin*
What the fuck is this long and stupid post about again? Good lord. If you are still reading this, what the fuck is wrong with you? Don't you have something better to do? *grin*
Oh, conflict. So I think that instead of deleting my bookmark to OT, perhaps I will respond to my PMs and then just take a short break. And I will rely on my friends to tell me when there is a cool and fun thread that I most post in. <---should never end a sentence with the word in. *shakes head*
posted by Bravie at 3:22 PM
49 Comments:
I think what you are not taking into account is WHY you have friends. Yes, friends do typically 'say the right thing' to us...and of course, we all consider that they are biased. But no one HAS to like you, or be your friend. We choose to be for some reason. And when I find that reason I will let you know. *grin*
*smooch*
Please keep the break short. I'll be back on Monday, so that is a great goal.
(oh shit, I hope this post wasn't just looking for supportive comments...)
Oooh, good point, MM. I was going to come here to agree she shouldn't listen to her friends.
I've been on an OT break for the last few weeks. I would truly love to find a board that I liked better, with a better mix of conservatives and liberals. People who are willing to listen to reason would be nice, but that's probably asking too much.
I was pleasantly surprised to have PMs after that idioctic masturbatory thread today myself. And, like you, I was reminded that there are a lot of people who simply read and soak it all in that matter, too. People that deserve to have someone with more than seven firing brain cells posting to present an opposing opinion.
I swear to God, I was ((((this)))) close to posting "and, ftr, I don't think you're manic anymore. I think you're a fucking idiot who refuses to grow up and take responsibility for her life and actions. There. Now I'm not diagnosing you."
But, I erased it. Then I also typed something along the lines of "I'll paypal you a quarter toward the $54,794.52 you need to earn today to meet your goal if you will just kiss my ass."
Then I decided that she wasn't worth the effort that it was taking to erase threads.
She said that I wished people ill...that really, really, REALLY chaps my ass because I have never done such a thing, but you know? She is just not worth it because you can't debate with stupid or crazy and even **I**, the queen of beating dead horses, can't argue with stupid crazy.
I'm not taking a break--I'll be damned if she or anyone else that is annoying to me will dictate where I post. If that happens, "they" win and I'm a piss poor loser....although I admit that I am shedding no tears over the fact that E.girl isn't going to hire me when she gets a job. And makes enough money to have a company. And is successful enough to have employees. And is able to afford my salary. I mean, seriously. Like I was planning on working the day Hell froze over in the first place. Sheesh.
Okay, that? actually made me snort. Loudly. LMAO.
Thank you, I needed that.
Part of me breaking from there has to do with my own mental health. I need to be in places that are healthy for my state of mind. I can't be playing with other loons while I am trying NOT to be a loon. LOL
Great posts, Kimmah, but definitely not worth getting banned over.
I think she may have lost some of her supporters the more she defended herself. And like I said to someone in PM, the more you have to say "I'm not crazy"... well the more I'll question it, lol.
I've tried to stay out of it. Mostly because I just did not have the time to compose a thoughtful, yet hopefully not a response that will be called out as "dog piling with my friends".
However what really got my goat was EMT's response to Kimmah over there about her wishing someone ill? OK I might get that some people think Kimmah is intimidating*giggle* but wishing ill will?
Bravy...I do understand how you feel. Sometimes the most unexpected kindness is the one that touches your heart. I did breifly think about leaving today but then I thought maybe I can try to make it fun? Sometimes I feel it comes across as trying too hard but I just don't want "them" to win.
Oh and I was so trying to impress you in the Quadrennial thread.
I had not opened that thread. But SNORT!!!!!
ya'll make me laugh. I don't know why Monsty tells me to disappear all of the time.
Ok, I need to go play Guitar Hero. It's been about 24 hours since I last played.
*smooches* to all.
I think that I should either post or get off the pot. And that rule should probably be applied to you, too.
And no, I haven't the slightest fucking idea what went on over there, but I think I know what started it and where it ended. I'm a lot fuzzy on the middle.
intimidating, schimtimidating...i'm a bitch. that's what you were trying say, yes zombah?
the wishing someone ill thing is stuck all up in my craw, but i took demerol and i just don't trust myself to respond to her. i would love to know exactly what she's talking about though.
I couldn't stand it. I'll blame the demerol...I had to go back and edit again. Ugh. I'm done. Make me stop.
KIMMAH! Stop it. Go order the Big Brother live feeds or something.
I stopped myself. I edited it all back out. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.
I have no idea what's going on. As usual. :)
I? think you're a pretty little thing.
Did anyone notice that she never responded to my "is she even telling the truth" post?
I don't know, but apparently all that irritation is great for my Guitar Hero game. I finally hit 100% on a song. *grin*
*hugs* You are getting so old and wise. :-)
Seriously, you've said more stuff in the last few weeks that sounds healthy than I've heard from you EVER. I think you are finding a good place. And yeah, that might mean a break from OT. Just remember, there's not point in saying never.
I agree with those strangers that your voice has been missing on OT, and that's sad. I also agree that your hair looks nice.
And as Kimmah says, for cod's sake, don't let them win. It would ruin OT for a lot of peeps if only the sucky people were left.
*sigh*
Okay, if you need to take a break and decide if you want to continue to go there or not, I won't try to talk you out of it, but I will say this.
A few people can change the tone of the place, a few can boost it back up. The place goes in cycles, up and down, and lately the asshats are winning.
It's not about controlling the board ( can't herd cats and all that) but if the good folks leave, or stop posting the idiots take over.
The was a time back in the olden days when assholes ruled, when intimidation threatened to push a whole bunch of people away.
If we'd gone maybe the place would have been ruled by assholes when you found it.
It's not about taking over the board and controlling it, it's about NOT being chased away.
Maybe you should stay for the friends you've yet to meet, and for those people who consider you part of their community even if they aren't close friends.
I get it, when it makes you so crazy and you have to step away, I get that.
If I had left, those several times I was going to ( in a big huffy snit, btw) I wouldn't have met some of you, and whether ya'll consider me a friend or not, you guys are peeps that I consider 'my kind of people'.
Selfishly I am glad to have people like you be a part of my community, part of my cyber world.
I don't want the place to just be filled with mean hags , batshit crazy liars and self important hypocritical perverts, I need some fun people there. Do it for me.
And, think of Estee.
You are a pretty little thing, inside and out.
Oh and I was going to PM Kimmah, but I was laughing too hard to type. Poor Kimmah, does your head hurt from banging it against the looney wall?
Ya'll do as you like, but if I had my way? NOBODY leaves!
Now cheer for me dammit, where is my cheering section?
*Laugh*
Well, I ran over there briefly this morning. Posted in one thread and ran out. That was good enough for now. I know the drama has died down but I don't want to stick around too much this morning just in case something bothers me.
Fun people are out and about!
Listen to the Buggy (I was going to say listen to the Bug, but then I thought someone might think *I* had lost my mind and was advising you to listen to the gnat). She, along with Kimmah (who *is* intimidating, dammit!) are very wise.
Somehow I always miss threads like this until they are locked! I hope you stay around- you are one of my reasons to stay there!
*HUGS*
I'm not into OT much.
All I can say is it's up to you. Make your own fun on OT. Stay away from the controversial topics. If you don't like certain peeps, don't bother with them.
I think you've been doing pretty darn good.
Life's too damn short Bravie. Don't waste it on peeps that bring out bad feelings.
And, not only do you have fabu hair but your ears are GORGEOUS!
:-)
You requested to be informed of any fun threads that you should post in - I had one for ya, but it's been locked.
BWAHA
But seriously, having watched the train wreck from a distance over the last few days, I was reminded about why I love OT. You can alwsys jump in or not. But you should never, ever let it invade your space.
If you find you're sitting at home, and thoughts of some annoying peeps from OT start creeping around in your pretty little head, then you must kick them out. They have no place in your sanctuary.
But that doesn't mean you should give up OT altogether because you would only be punishing those peeps who really enjoy having you there.
Please don't remove until I come back to respond.
Yes ma'am. :)
Wait? There's good hair and I haven't seen a picture? How is this possible? Okay, besides the fact that I've been absent for no good reason other than I'm a lazy shit who avoids things sometimes?
I hear Ayak for locking that thread and for obviously agreeing with me in his commentary about said lock.
I refuse to let stupid or crazy win. Won't do it.
Silly little attachments to a certain result. They muck us up all the time.
I think Buggy called me a hippocritical pervert.
I thought you were, Zombs.
that's okay, zombs, she called me a mean hag ;-). She has a problem with stilletos and wanton sexuality...she's bitterly jealous of the hot old folks rud..er, you and ge..uh, me.
UH OH. Did I get banned over there? *worried look* I can't get back in. *pout* Just when I decide that I'm not going to let the fuckers win, I get locked out.
why would you be banned? no way. it's probably a glitch.
Okay, very quickly I will try to address the issues. And since the f-bomb is encouraged here, I will use it.
I agree with everyone saying to take a break for you, not because someone drove you to it. I often post and wonder what people really think of me. I've almost blogged about this. And then I get the nicest PMs from people the last people on earth I would expect one from. And that makes me feel good.
*adjust pearls*
Fuck Geg and Boner and EmptyGirl. My fucking Cod.
Had Monsty not asked for the mercy lock, I would have gone back because it really does something to my craw too that she didn't answer a lot of questions. I never really ever posted in any of her threads. Then she called me a liar when I said I had mentioned that I had rang up people at a grocery store who bought a lemon for 12 cents with a food stamp in order to get back the change for beer. She said that me saying that was a lie and that I was kicking people while they were down. Whatthefuckever. I think I know what I rang up. It was back when I used to work at a minimum-wage job, something that is apparently beneath her. Whatthefuckever again. Minimum wage is more than her current "stated" wage. And I would rather flip burgers than fricking garbage.
And I also still want to know why on-line gift exchanges are more important than getting yourself together.
GRRRRRRR
And for her to say what she did to Kim pissed me off as well about wishing someone ill. How fucking ironic is it that her biggest "misunderstood" cheerleader celebrated the fact that a fellow OTer was ill. I was thisclose to stuffing that into the "victim" pipe. You have no idea how much I want to go to the "disgusting" BB forums and say, "we've got one of our very own who would fit right in."
As far as Boner is concerned, I really haven't decided what to do about that. He and I have exchanged PMs, but he flat out lied on OT when he responded to me and said the "clique" reference was to real life because it wasn't, and he admitted that in the PM, so he was trying to make me look like an aras. Fuck you Boner.
Gag really isn't worth any more of my typing. I'm just glad her true colors were shown to some of her friends. Bitch.
*readjusts pearls*
You know, I really do just try to avoid certain posters who I know are just there to antagonize. I have tried to do that with all of the "pests" as best I can.
I guess I'm not really one to give advice to in that department though. Believe it or not, I had a pretty heated exchange with someone right around Christmas. Nice timing, eh. I won't get into details because it's not important. But it still irks the crap out of me. And everytime I see them running around acting like nothing happened, it stings just a little. But I bite my tongue and remain civil. Sometimes that's what you've gotta do. Go for the fun and ignore the bad.
Unless it's Gag, then you may dish out as much as she does.
*smooch* I *heart* you bunches and you know I won't let you stay gone.
ETA: Bashing Geg is really for the good of the entire community.
well, i had to ignore the mercy lock request because etwit was so flagrantly idiotic that i couldn't just walk away. i should have.
if you have a link to the supermarket thread, i would love to read it. i sometimes forget what a twat she is and this will help me in the future. she and i went several rounds over graduation or something once before--i honestly can't remember what it was about. i need to go back and research so i can be at my most indignant next time she mouths off to me.
i've never wished anyone ill there--not even some of the most vile members. i defy her to point to one post where i was deliberatley cruel.
and of COURSE minimum wage is beneath her--hell, she's got a masters degree and a resume that is chockablock with jobs and accomplishments and can make $63 an hour picking up cans (should I point out that it was more like 16 bucks an hour for an actual whole work day? and most people like to make a wage each day? naaah, that would be negative), so why would she lower herself to actually take a job? Phhhfffft. Jobs are for the little people. She's going to find an industry!
i lost all respect for geg when she acted as if walking in three inch heels was some sort of important personal accomplishment that made her better than those who wear lowly flats.
I rarely PM people, but it's not because I don't care. I just don't think of it.
I like your hair. A lot. I'm not retarded and I'm not gay. You have beautiful hair.
I have refrained from posting in "that" thread. It's a good way to stay sane. You and "the gang" need to stay on OT and make it "your own." Now I sound like American Idol.
Hope you have a good weekend!
*lights dim*
*Enter Hamlet in a blond wig from right of stage*
Yeah ,man! Pot!
*snort*
40's.
Monsty you need to put a comma somewhere in your Hamlet sentence because it is driving me crazy.
Uh - oh yeah. The blog topic. (I kind of got lost in the comments.)
Bravie, when you are in your 50s you will realize how fun and nice your forties were.
When I walked away from OT I missed it like crazy for a few weeks. Although I did enjoy how much more time I had for Life and stuff. I thought maybe I would post in the other forums and enjoy that but the last 2 threads I started in BB were locked by Bebo who I think was still mad at me for my Send News By Peel thing in the BB summary I wrote at the time of (one of) the big blow-up(s). So I just got annoyed and wandered away in general. I was surprised and happy to find a lot of my favorite people in blog world!
I think complements from a stranger are always nice just because they are so unanticipated.
I am like Puffy and never sent or got many PMs. Maybe I am always just a bit too disengaged? I am too literal and miss unstated subtexts? *shrug* Who knows.
Your hair looks lovely in photos so it must be gorgeous in person, since even nice hair may or may not look good in a photo. Maybe only people with great hair get PMs.
Strangely, I miss the clusterfucking trainwreck posts of OT. Really, you need a good trainwreck every now and then to sort the wheat from the chaff.
*arrives late to party, stands for a moment holding bean dip looking at all of the passed-out corpses from Boo's f-bombs*
*poot*
Sheesh. I've been holding that in for three days. It's fermented. And dented.
By the way, what does it say about me that when that clique post came up MY first thought was, "wait, am I in the clique?"
Frodo - it says you're in the clique. But in a good way. I stand from afar and admire the clique. *waves at clique*
And by the way Bravie, I've seen your hair and it is very pretty. And you are such a cute little thing. *smooch*
I love your hair, adn I've only seen pictures.
As far as OT goes, what Buggy said, but she forgot to use the word gaggle and I just had to get that in.
*newsflash* I think Boo is my new favorite.
gaggle is such a nice word. it should be the word of the day for today (Sunday, Mar. 2).
*hugs Pam and then tries to figure out who she really is*
I stopped posting on OT months ago and it's done wonders for my blood pressure.
I go back once in a while to scan the threads and it never fails that I see someone make a comment to jbug regarding the archives. Blood pressure rises and I immediately remember why I stopped posting.
Agree with everything Boo said, and I agree with everything Buggy said. The hard part is to not let the asshats ruin your day, and keep it light and fun for your amusement. If you cannot generate any joy from visiting OT, then a break is probably in order. How long that break will be is up to you.
Lastly, I know who Pam is. *waves to Pam* *waves to Boo*
Pam=not false.
*hugs Pam again because now I know*
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