Waiting. Excited. Anticipating
I'm sure that everyone is dying to know.
Body Cleanse 1
Bravie zero
Do NOT waste your money on the GNC complete two day body cleanse. I put aside the entire weekend just to sit in the bathroom. The lady told me not to stray far from home.
I started on Friday. I drank that nasty, thick, green goop, just as told. and then I waited. Excited. Anticipating the parade that was about to happen. And then I waited. And then I waited some more. Okay, so maybe it takes more than one dose. I take my second dose and I waited. Excited. Anticipating. Okay, maybe it takes three doses. So I drank the nasty green, goopy stuff for a third time. and I waited. Excited. Anticipating. And then dose four. And then I went to bed. I knew that as soon as I woke up I would be bursting at the seams. Four doses was surely going to make me explode.
5am came and I woke up. Excited. Anticipating.
At 5:15am I had my coffee. This is certainly going to set things in motion. My morning coffee alone takes care of all things down south. And so I waited. Excited. Anticipating. OH!!! a rumble.
I run to the bathroom. Excited. Anticipating. *sigh* GAS???? That's it? Gas?
5:30am, my second cup of coffee and a dose of the nasty, green, goopy stuff. And I waited. Excited.Anticipating.
9am. Second dose of the nasty, green, goopy stuff. And yes, again, I waited. Excited. anticipating.
Michelle got up and of course her first question was asking how things were. I could tell by the look on her face when she asked that she was waiting, excited, anticipating. I felt horrible having to tell her that I had nothing to report.
Michelle wanted to go out but I told her that the GNC lady told me not to leave the house. So alone I sat there waiting. Excited. anticipating.
Saturday comes and goes and not one damn thing happened. I mean nothing!!!!!
So Sunday I decide that I will wander out. Because now I am determined. Pissed off. and plugged up.
I went to Longs and I bought Ex-Lax and super dieters tea. I rush home to gobble it all up. Wheeeeee. I can't wait. and so I wait. Excited. Antcipating. Nothing.
Frustrated, I asked Michelle to go to the grocery store with me since obviously nothing is going to happen. We take our time, comparing meats and chicken and veggies. We get into line to pay and uh oh. I start to sweat and cramp. "Michelle? we need to get the fuck out of here. Soon"
Of course we hit every single red light on the way home. And I am sweating. Cramping. Worried.
I run in the house full of no more waiting and finally excited at what is about to happen. No more anticipating. Plop. Are you kidding me? A little plop? that's it? ploop. Surely there is more to come. and there I sat, waiting. Excited. Anticipating.
I apparently have the most rock solid stomach on earth. Who can go through two bottles of body cleanse, ex lax and dieters tea and end up with just one little plop? WTF?
This did not work out nearly as I had anticipated.
Body Cleanse 1
Bravie zero
Do NOT waste your money on the GNC complete two day body cleanse. I put aside the entire weekend just to sit in the bathroom. The lady told me not to stray far from home.
I started on Friday. I drank that nasty, thick, green goop, just as told. and then I waited. Excited. Anticipating the parade that was about to happen. And then I waited. And then I waited some more. Okay, so maybe it takes more than one dose. I take my second dose and I waited. Excited. Anticipating. Okay, maybe it takes three doses. So I drank the nasty green, goopy stuff for a third time. and I waited. Excited. Anticipating. And then dose four. And then I went to bed. I knew that as soon as I woke up I would be bursting at the seams. Four doses was surely going to make me explode.
5am came and I woke up. Excited. Anticipating.
At 5:15am I had my coffee. This is certainly going to set things in motion. My morning coffee alone takes care of all things down south. And so I waited. Excited. Anticipating. OH!!! a rumble.
I run to the bathroom. Excited. Anticipating. *sigh* GAS???? That's it? Gas?
5:30am, my second cup of coffee and a dose of the nasty, green, goopy stuff. And I waited. Excited.Anticipating.
9am. Second dose of the nasty, green, goopy stuff. And yes, again, I waited. Excited. anticipating.
Michelle got up and of course her first question was asking how things were. I could tell by the look on her face when she asked that she was waiting, excited, anticipating. I felt horrible having to tell her that I had nothing to report.
Michelle wanted to go out but I told her that the GNC lady told me not to leave the house. So alone I sat there waiting. Excited. anticipating.
Saturday comes and goes and not one damn thing happened. I mean nothing!!!!!
So Sunday I decide that I will wander out. Because now I am determined. Pissed off. and plugged up.
I went to Longs and I bought Ex-Lax and super dieters tea. I rush home to gobble it all up. Wheeeeee. I can't wait. and so I wait. Excited. Antcipating. Nothing.
Frustrated, I asked Michelle to go to the grocery store with me since obviously nothing is going to happen. We take our time, comparing meats and chicken and veggies. We get into line to pay and uh oh. I start to sweat and cramp. "Michelle? we need to get the fuck out of here. Soon"
Of course we hit every single red light on the way home. And I am sweating. Cramping. Worried.
I run in the house full of no more waiting and finally excited at what is about to happen. No more anticipating. Plop. Are you kidding me? A little plop? that's it? ploop. Surely there is more to come. and there I sat, waiting. Excited. Anticipating.
I apparently have the most rock solid stomach on earth. Who can go through two bottles of body cleanse, ex lax and dieters tea and end up with just one little plop? WTF?
This did not work out nearly as I had anticipated.
posted by Bravie at 4:00 PM
20 Comments:
I'm not sure whether to laugh or be disturbed.
Perhaps both.
Umm...
{{hugs?}}
*giggle*
OMH...I am laughing so hard over here. That sweating, cramping, OMG feeling is the worst.
Smooches
I think your nasty green goop somehow made it into my body. I had to stop the car 2 times in my 1/2 hour drive home. Once I dashed into a restroom at Carl's Jr. The other time, McDonald's hosted my pit stop. I have no idea what caused it; must have been your nasty green goop.
*snort* your bass ackward! Eat some cheese!
*still sitting with Augie*
OMH-that is bizarre! I told Chris you were colon cleansing and it wasn't working. He said "She didn't need to buy anything...I'd have made her a batch of my chili for free."
I bet you will have one serious poop coming this week.
I'd be very afraid. Make sure you are near a bathroom at all times.
I think you had better luck just eating lots of fruit.
Maybe you have a pretty pink colon that doesn't need cleansing?
Uh - that's all I got.
LOL. That's all I have to say. I was also very confused by your blog. I didn't see either of the last two posts until just today and I *know* I've checked it repeatedly both Monday and Tuesday.
Hope everything works out in the end. ;)
The makers of Body Cleanse are sitting somewhere laughing at you and patting themselves on the back for making another person drink all that green goop.
I shouldn't laugh, though. I am the person who had a plumber come to fix a toilet, and he ended up having to take the whole toilet out into the back yard to blast it with a hose. I was mortified.
milk of magnesia...the generic, walgreens brand.
do not leave the house.
Carey, couldn't it have meant that your colon didn't need cleansed?
Good point. Bravie's colon is probably more cleansed on any given week than anyone else I know.
Yup, the pooting alone is prolly a good sign. :P
Michelle seems to think that my insides must be pretty clean as well. That, or there is sooooo much stuff in there that it could take a month to work through all of the debris.
I'm pretty convinced that I must have a parasite. That would explain me not passing anything after the cleanse and that would explain why I am having trouble losing weight.
Next up, a parasite remover.
Yes, I know I am insane.
You're so full of shit! *snort*
At least for today, you cannot say the same of me. *grin*
Ancient Chinese proverb: Man who eat prunes get good run for money.
You need a tapeworm.
Sh!t, or get off the pot and give us an update. *grin*
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