Sometimes?

I like to argue just for the sake of arguing. I really should have been a lawyer because I don't even have to believe in what I am arguing sometimes. And sometimes my assholiness just amuses me. It's the little things in life that keep me truckin along. *grin*

Damn Giants

Baseball sucks this year. So today I am wearing a Red Sox shirt. That is all.

Lounging by the Pool

Boo and I are going to hang out by the pool with our laptops on Monday. Anybody want to join us?

A Tale of two horses

So you're at the horse races and there are two horses that you can bet on.

Commanding the first horse will be a jockey who is well known and a proven winner. But the horse has had some problems. With the guidance of the jockey, this horse could possibly end up being a Seasbiscuit type horse. But of course there are no guarantees. Being a favorite, if this horse wins, you will definitely win something, enough to make you happy but probably not enough to retire. Yet.

Commanding the second horse will be a jockey who is unknown. The horse is also an unknown but has the potential of winning the race. But there really isn't much known about this horse or this jockey. But because it is a long shot, there is the potential for great winnings if you were to bet on him. If you do bet on him though, you will never be allowed to bet on the other horse that is a proven winner in the past.

Which horse are you more likely to bet on?

It's a cruel world

Now see? I'm still very happy that I get to hang out with my old friend again. And? I'm very happy about the Pride Parade this weekend.
What I am NOT happy about is the fact that the almost worst case scenario at work has happened. Deal dead. *sigh*
There is a tiny shimmer of light that something good could end up happening but I am at a total loss for what to do right now. I suppose I need to get a lot more information before I go making huge decisions. But fuck fuck fuck. *sigh*
Michelle seems pretty unphased. Told me to do what I think is best. Thank you for your sympathy and for your help. *rolls eyes*
I haven't talked about it with my parents yet because I want to wait until I have more info. Plus, they have been super supportive of me through all of this and they seem to peak and valley right along with me. It's almost as if they have been going through this stuff at work too. So I hate to put them on more of a rollercoaster. I may not say anything to them until I have made a firm decision.
I do wish that Michelle was more involved in this. I called her and we talked and she left it "do what's right for you". Maybe she's waiting until she gets home to talk more? But it didn't seem like it. She's already called me twice and both times she acted as if I hadn't just dropped the work bomb on her. I'm a little surprised at her lack of involvment or interest in this.
We'll see. Anyhow, I am back on the bummed train. *sob*

All the Gays of my life

Yay. This weekend is the annual gathering of my people in San Francisco. :)
It's pride weekend. We won't be doing all of the events this weekend though. Just the parade on Sunday. We are babysitting our niece on Friday night and then we have a double date night on Saturday. My neighbor bought a new DVD projector and so we have set up Movie Premier Night on Saturday. It will be our neighbor and her boyfriend and Me and Michelle.
Then Sunday morning we'll get up early, get on the train and head out to the parade and the party in San Francisco. Last year, Jen and Glowie were here with us during pride. *pout* I wish they could be here again this year.
Soooo, if you don't see or hear from me on Monday, you can guess that I had too many tainted milks on Sunday. Happy Pride weekend. *gay grin*

PSA

Just because plums come in the mini variety, does not mean that they don't have the same effect as regular plums if you eat too many of them. Uh oh.

One small step

I don't know if I've talked about this here.
About 3 1/2- 4 years ago (not coincidentally the time I started to post on OT) I had lost my best friend. Not to death or anything tragic like that. Her girlfriend and I couldn't stand each other and her girlfriend made her make a choice between the two of us. Naturally, since L was in love, she chose her GF. It of course was very upsetting to me but I had no choice but to move along in my life.
Last year I found out that L was suffering from breast cancer and I had debated about whether or not to contact her. I did end up doing so just to tell her that I had heard and that Michelle and I were thinking about her. Since then we have had a little bit of contact but not very much.
A couple of months ago she had emailed me with a forwarded email. Nothing personal or anything but it was a form of contact. Which we hadn't had since our parting. The forwarded emails became more frequent and every once in awhile a short note would follow. We were making progress.
One email had said that she has always considered me to be a friend and that she often thought of me but that we were just friends in a different part of our lives. That was all fine with me. I had no bitter feelings. Although Michelle felt that I should. I have been in a position in my life, probably more than once, when I would have given up anything and everything for the one who I loved. I hadn't yet understood that someone who would make me make a choice like that wasn't worth it. But? I've been there. So I couldn't judge her for her decision.
Recently L has been in more contact with me and on a personal note. She has sent me updates on herself, her daughter (who is in the Army and in Iraq) and her Giants Baseball schedule. Hah, that sounds funny.
So the purpose of this entry... L and I are going to hook up and go to a couple of games together. We just confirmed today. Michelle has season tickets so she got me tickets for the same dates that L has tickets.
So yay. After all of these years, L and I are going to hang out together again. It gave me a little bit more hope that not ALL in life was sucky and bad. *grin*

Quick summary of my night with Kimmer

Bar #1: We were told that our type didn't come in there often. Our type being fancy. *snort*
Bar#2: We got the history of classical music. Because we're fancy.
Dinner: BJ's Brewhouse. He he, I said BJ. Kim ordered a beer sampler and most of them tasted like feet.
The end. *grin*
Had a great time with Kim, as usual. She's such a doll. We just sort of bee bopped around town and then came back to my house to chill until her plane left. It's never long enough when she comes to visit but always enjoyable. *smooch* to Kim.
Word of the day: Fancy

The lovefest continues

I totally lost it in my office today. Blubbering like Aaron from Hell's Kitchen. But for good reasons. I know ya'll already know this but Arkie is just fanfuckingtastic. I couldn't love her anymore right now if I wanted to. Let's just say that she truly knows me and today that showed. And as I sat here, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So I did both. *sniff*
Again, I just have to say that I have some of the most thoughtful and wonderful friends that any person could ever hope to have. EVER.
Thank you, Arkie. I love you. *smooooooooch*

Because it's time for a new post

One word responses:

1. Where is your cell phone? beltloop
2. You're single/taken?taken
3. Your hair? blond(e)
4. Your mother? Funny
5. Your father? Funny
6. Your favorite thing? 49ers
7. Your dream last night? None
8. Your favorite drink? Vanilla vodka
9. Your dream car? Hummer
10. The room you're in? office
11. Your ex? BITCH
12. Your fear? spiders
13. Where were you last night? home
14. what you're not? Chinese
15. Muffins? Blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? Season tickets
17. The last thing you did? Peed
18.What are you wearing? Flip flops
19. Your pet or pets? Shug, Poopy and Leo
20. Your computer? laptop
21. Your life? chaos
22. Your mood? Cranky
23. Missing some one? Always
24. Your car? Filthy
25. Your work? *sigh*
26.Like someone? Huh?
27. Your favorite color? black
28. When is the last time you laughed real hard? last night
29. Crush's first name? Orange
30. Dream job? Coach of the 49ers

Will the real Bravie, please stand up

Ya'll really outdid yourselves this time. *applause*

So here's the deal. As you know I have been having a difficult time of late. Some I can post about, some I choose not to post about and some I can't post about. It's been a frustrating year. With some of my frustrations, I have no control. With some, I do. So I made a decision earlier this week to eliminate frustrations where I could in order to better deal with those that I can not control. That resulted in me deciding to leave OT and to fade out blogland. OT has been an escape for me for the past 3 1/2 or 4 years and blogland for about the past year or two. Unfortunately, two new people over on OT have made that place very frustrating and unfun for me. I know that I should just ignore them and not allow them to ruin my time there but they seem to be EVERYWHERE. And so it's just easier for me to walk away from that place. There are plenty of peeps over there who I don't care for and who I can ignore so I don't know what makes these two different. In any event, I allow them to taint my fun over there and so I see no reason to be in a place where I don't have fun.

Even though I know that OT and the Blogs are two different places, I still sort of connect the two. And so I had decided that if I was going to leave OT, I would also leave blogland. I figured that if peeps in blogland where real friends, then leaving OT and blogs would not affect those friendships and nothing would be lost.

I had completely stopped going to OT since Wednesday and had only sparcely checked blogs since then as well. And then I clicked on a blog and noticed that it was similar to mine. Then I got an email from someone saying how funny (insert two names) were for altering their blogs. Two names? So I ran off to the second blog. *snort* It also was similar to my blog. And then a third blog was titled "Is it blonde, or blond?". And then a fourth and a fifth and so on and so on. And then they became more elaborate. And then I suddenly found myself clicking on blogs all over the place. And suddenly I got it. OT and Blogland were two completely different places.

OT is the kind of place where, if you are feeling low you ask people to cheer you up. You ask people to pump your ego. You ask people to make you feel important. You ask people to love you. And in my mind, when you have to ask, you just never know if it is sincere or not. I am not a fan of false compliments nor am I a fan of fishing for compliments and false endearments. You can bet that if I tell you that I care about you and if I pay you a compliment, that I mean it. I prefer the same in return.

I learned the difference between OT and Blogland yesterday. I never once asked any of you to cheer me up. I didn't ask you to tell me that you cared about me. I didn't ask you to ask me to stay around. I simply stated that I was having a bad time right now and that I may be absent for a bit. YOU took it upon yourself, in a most creative way, to let me know that I am cared about and loved and lvoed. And it has made a world of difference to me. I have friends who care about me and who went to great lengths to let me know so. The fact that you did this without me feeling as if I had to beg you to let me know that you cared means more than any words that I can put here. For that, I sincerely and from the bottom of my heart thank you. I'm not willing to explain here but it ties into some things that I had planned on thinking about this weekend. Some things that were part of my thought process about whether or not to step away for good. I've learned that although I may be able to walk away from OT for good ( I haven't decided yet), I can't walk away from Blogland. Because I have friends here. Real friends. And one could only hope in their lifetime to have such wonderful friends. And for that, I thank you and Love you. *happy, speechless sigh*

Happy Birthday Nutz

Some of you people are insane. You know who you are. That's part of why I love you. You had me smiling and confused. Very, very confused. But most importantly, you had me smiling. I need to remember what wonderful friends I have when I am in such a low mood. Somehow knowing that I have such great people in my life is enough sometimes to just make me smile. When I need it the most.
So thank you for what you did today. I needed that. *smoooooch*

And yes, the 8th really is Nutz's birthday. So go and spank her.

Not much of an update

I have a broken spirit at the moment and really have nothing else to update. If you see me around, great. If not, equally as great. I don't know what else to say. You're all in my thoughts though.